Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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