Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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