Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
