Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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