I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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