What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
