i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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