Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
