Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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