she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
