also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
