Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
