John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I smell like Dick and happiness
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