You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
