I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
