it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
