Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
