Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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