This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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