Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize