Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
