I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
