Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
