i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
