I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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