I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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