Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
