It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
