I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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