omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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