the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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