I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
