She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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