I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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