i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
