he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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