Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
