this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
