My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
