i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
