If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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