if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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