One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
