Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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