Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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