Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
