the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
