My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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