maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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