Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Someone signed my nipple.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
