Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
