I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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