she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize