please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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