dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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