he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
