:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
