break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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