I'm really into asian looking animals
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
