I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
