Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
