I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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