we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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