Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize