Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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