I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
