I cockslap morals
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
