i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
