Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
