I have demons in me.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
