took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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