the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
