Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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