thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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