Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
worst night to have a conscience
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
