I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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