Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
