I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Someone came in the potted fern
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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