Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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